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Category Archives: mama

Dear Mom: Seriously?

My mom came over the other night. I brought out the crystal wine glasses, but she didn’t feel comfortable using them. When moving too fast, she can be a bit of a “breaker.” And she always moves fast.

She started sprucing up the half-bath off the kitchen. You know, the one Michael accidentally burned a hole in the wall when fixing the faucet? Don’t ask. Anyway, she did a great job. You might even say it’s sparkling.

Washing my hands just now, glitter down the sink hole caught my eye. In disbelief, I fetched some scissors and retrieved, oh, only the largest, gaudiest necklace I have.

Seriously, Mom? How could you not realize you stuffed an entire necklace down my sink hole? I mean… how does that even happen?



Mother Monster’s modeling debut

My dearest, darlingest, most beautiful mother is gracing the pages of InRegister magazine’s first-ever wedding guide, which I worked on. But this isn’t about me. This is about how absolutely glamorous this Mother of the Bride is!

Photo by Jeannie Frey Rhodes. Photo of photo by Brandi Simmons.

Giving away Lady Gaga tickets!

Well, not quite. But my mom got to go and generously provided this play-by-play…. so if you didn’t get to go, read this and you will totally feel like you did!

That was incredible!!!  Everything–her voice, her athletic ability, the stage and the way the stage constantly changed, the synchronized dancers, unbelievable!!!  The crowd was great.  We stood on the floor about 40 feet from the stage, everyone was so polite and not overly rowdy.  We saw lots of sights:  guys and girls with different Gaga clothes and wigs, transvestites dressed in leather bikinis.  Gaga changed about 10 times, but she only had her long yellow hair, and her face wasn’t covered with masks, sequins, glasses, etc.  The acoustics were perfect, and it sounded like her tape.  She never lip sincs, she sang with just a piano.  her voice is so strong.  She danced, rolled, jumped all over that stage. She only put on a monster suit and mask for “He’s a Monster”  the level of the stage kept changing, she’d appear from above or below, and there was a long runway where they would all run onto where we were only about 30 feet from her.  She’s tiny and muscular, and incredibly athletic.  Oh, and Nicholas Cage was there!!.  He sat about 15 feet from us, and the crowd kept taking pictures with him and his 3 girlfriends he was with.  He was very nice and talked to the people and posed with some of the young girls and their dates.  After awhile, he walked back up the stairs and disappeared.  I guess he did that for publicity and had a private place to sit.


Things i love! (incomplete version)

The weather right now!

This face

the Aveda salon i found in zachary, where cuts are only $25!!!!! plus, free water!

i love living in Zachary. LOVE, do you hear me? It’s just the best little town.

uninterrupted nights of sleep, which will come soon enough. soon enough. soon enough. (strangely, it’s not really lucy, but poor maximo with a double ear infection! lucy is sleeping 8-5. i’ve been going to bed at 8ish. at about 7 p.m. each night, i hit a wall where my speech sort of malfunctions and i can’t think straight. but it’s good to know at the end of the day that i must be doing something right since i’ve given it all i’ve got.)

also loving the crock pot. do you people cook in crock pots? what’s your favorite recipe? don’t know how i ever cooked without it. actually, i do know. i failed at cooking chicken. but now i am master of poultry. this is a pic i just remembered of the week michael and i got married, which was also the first time i ever attempted cooking a chicken. before i got married, i lived on granola and spinach.

after much ado over that chicken which turned out to be a cornish hen three years ago, i served it to michael, my husband of like a week. it was raw on the inside. can we all take note of that fabulous tan? it was, in fact, the last time i had a tan. ANYWAY, i have been really serving up some crock pot wizardry lately. Back to things i love…

crossing things off the to-do list, with the help of….

MY MOM! she’s such a helper.

I have to go outside now.

Little nuggets of Mom.

8:09 a.m. I’m calling mom. She answers the phone and stage whispers “JEN, I’LL CALL YOU BACK. I’M AT THAT SCHOOL, TUTORING A LITTLE BOY,” then hangs up in a frenzy. I feel as though I rudely interrupted, then wonder after hanging up the phone… why did you pick up? Why isn’t the phone on silent? I usually do this to her once a day. “Jen, I’ll call you back. I’m at the doctor.” “Jen, I’ll call you back, I’m playing the piano at the old folks’ home.” etc.

I e-mailed her a video of Max making a sad face, then smiling on demand. She responded: That’s so cute.  Ask him to say avocado, cappuchino, dubloon, mummer, and Throw Me Something, Mister and film that, too.